Kirstin

So after blogging about the YU event and saying too much about too many things, a friend tells me that he's read the blog and he's read a lot of blogs because he was googling this event and he wants to hear other perspectives. He was very moved and touched by the event (I almost said blown away but that sounds too much like a bad pun) and for those who were raised in sheltered frum life, it was a revalatory experience. So I should cut them a little slack.

Anyhow. I got to the event late. I had to push through people to get to the soft drinks. Then I had to push through people to get to the cookies. And then I had to push through people to get out becasue I was a little bored. On the stage were four guys who had all but one told their stories. Rabbi Blau was moderating the event. I only heard the last one who was a Republican who liked women just fine and then had to realize that he liked to hang out with women as if they were accessories. Similar to earrings. Or tacky belts. Depending. Ok I'm extapolating.

And after he graduated, he came out of the closet to himself and then to others. And he kept coming out to people on individual levels and coming out to the people who were the least likely to be accepting and they were all accepting. And he's still working in Finance and voting Republican.

There were some questions. Mostly along the lines of "what's it like being gay?" and Rabbi Blau was asked how he could run the event. Some words were given concerning halacha and how tehre are several halachic difficulties. Everyone clapped and cheered at their bravery. And some words were given to why there are Pride Parades (because not everyone looks good dancing with his shirt off?)

My reaction is still what it was before. I was bored. It also reminded me of being 17 and nominally non-homophobic but also uncomfortable around gay people. Like gay people should get rights and all that but it's an unfortunate condition like cancer or mullets that is best left undiscussed unless it's needed. That might be a Minnesota thing. Anyhow, that's how I felt when I was a teenager. And that seems to be the way a lot of people at the event felt and even something as safe and as blandly positive as this kind of event would pose a revelation to them. So good for them.

Ironically, I had just read the scene in The Saturday Wife where the main character's friends from Stern (or whatever she is calling Stern in the book) shows up at her Shabbos table with her non-Jewish girlfriend all excited with the invite and hoping for some Orthodox representation at her gay wedding. It was really a false note. I like this particular Naomi Ragen book but that scene was over the top. It did have the purpose of making the protagonist uncomfortable; however, it was patently false. The two characters were over the top for regular secular meals - and for an Orthodox Shabbos meal, completely ridiculous. At least the Shabbos meals I've been to with gay couples, there's a very restrained behavior. Not that they are in the closet but there's a very large gradation between in the closet and making out at the table. Naomi Ragen depicted her characters as the latter.

There was also my friend back in SLP who came out after I left. My reaction which was not conveyed to her was an "Are you sure?" because she's old enough to have been at Woodstock and one thinks that someone would come out a long long time before she did. But the interesting thing about that was that the MOdern Orthodox rabbi told her friends not to talk to her. The Agudah rabbi told her that she was welcome in shul because it was just one sin among many and if anyone had a problem with her being a lesbian and belonging to the shul then they should talk to him.

But that might be less to do with the movements and more to do with the character of the rabbis. I respect the agudah rabbi. I have no respect for the MO rabbi of SLP and neither did his congregation who finally gave up on firing him and finally just broke off and formed their own shul.

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/42376266.html

It really made my holiday that so many ONTD folks were outraged by the whole Airbender whitewashing horror. Boycott the movie folks!

You know when you go to see a gay movie expecting Priscilla Queen of the Desert and you get Brokeback Mountain?

No. Neither do I.

Ok. To encapsulate the problem with Yeshiva University have a "Meet your gay peers" complete with bland positivism - I'm kind of used to being in a community that's basically homophobic. That community taking tentative steps toward addressing the fact that there are gay people in the world and they aren't going straight weirds me out more than I want to admit.

I think besides the ambiguity between my non-Jewish life and my Jewish life (which is always an issue but more so when the whole gay issue comes up) I think there's a definite one issue problem with the forum.

Basically, no matter how much the speakers tried to present themselves as well rounded individuals with lives and dreams and all that stuff, for that evening, they were GAY first and foremost. And since it was ok to ask them about being gay, well that's all that anyone wanted to talk about.

Obviously that's the nature of the beast.

But it does remind me of my status as a convert. According to halacha, you aren't supposed to bring up a convert's status as a convert (or a baal tshuvah's either) but most of the material about it is about the convert having his feelings hurt by the disparity of life experiences.

Not that that disparity isn't obvious between FFB and converts (or baal tshuva).

None of the explanations say how friggin irritating that whole discussion is. It's like "So. You're a convert. What's that like?" and it's the same fucking questions and the same annoying mixture of awe and condescending pity. And I really don't want to deal with the defensiveness and gusher of self-doubt that my status as a convert causes. Hell, even got that from a potential roommate who said he didn't want to move in but then asked me if he could call and hear more about this great Conversion Experience.

"You chose Judaism. Why would you do that? I would never choose Judaism."

Well good for you.

I get that A LOT. Seriously, I think I will eventually put this as a rule of dating. No chicks who live at home with their parents. No chicks who just want to get married and have no ambitions of their own. And definitely no Jewish girls who treat my conversion to Judaism as some kind of a shiny penny that they want to twirl around and look at and then put back.

I want to marry a woman who would actually choose Judaism if she wasn't born to it.

Of course, when I'm not among Jews, I have to deal with being the token Jew.

Anyhow - back to the gay thing. I felt the same "So you're _____________" queasiness. Strange to feel it on behalf of other people.

Then again, some people like being identified and designated with one aspect of their personality and life story and asked endless questions about it. I have one friend who gives lectures and devotes her entire blog to being a convert. I even figured into one of the articles she wrote for Aish because I agreed to room with her sister and brother-in-law who weren't Jewish but were pretty good roommates. It was a weird article about how awful her family was and how great the Jewish community was - the kind of ass-kissing that Aish HaTorah loves.

Hey, remember when everyone was trying to out Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown. It was the big thing for a time. Whitney even angrily denied it on 20/20. I remember that one - damnit - ok, let's see. She was hanging out with Madonna for a time. She appears in that obnoxious Madonna movie. I want to say Sandra Bullock and I know it's not her. Became a gay icon for a time with several rumors that she shtupped Madonna. Sara Bernhard!!

Yeah. What ever happened to her. Last I saw her was at Kenesseth Israel. She stopped by for Shabbos because she was invited to the Mpls Gay Pride Parade. They made a minyan in the basement so she could hear the Torah reading. She seemed nice but I didn't really talk to her.

Anyhow I remember her Northrup show where she talked a bit, did a few funny bits, sang Prince songs and talked more about her friends with AIDS. THis was in the early 90s before the cocktails. And she answered questions from the audience where she mostly insulted the audience. I remember envoy being particularly pleased that he got to a microphone. Anyhow I remember that toward the end of the show she declared that Bobby was a fag and that Whitney was a dyke and they were both closeted.

And that was very very popular.

Did that die down because of the whole crack thing? Kind of like all the gay people that wanted to claim Whitney and Bobby for themselves took a collective sigh at the "Crack is whack." interview where Whitney said that she didn't smoke crack because that's a ghetto drug and she's rich.

Kind of like the gay "community" collectively said to the straigh community "Oh! They are a couple of fucked up crackheads. YOu can have them!"

So apparently, I have a temp job at Acme Condom Company on Monday. Apparently that's a real place with desks and computers and excel and everything. And not a lost Roadrunner episode.

And I just turned down a job on Electronic Discovery. I usually don't turn down jobs but this one just seemed too complicated and I might have tackled it, but that Proofreading job took a lot out of me. I have been wanting to send out short stories and work on Dybbuk Press stuff (yeah, I still work on that) for months and I don't want to spend my weekend on a law school paper.

On the other hand, I do have a nice personal statement to write.

You know what last night's YU discussion of Homosexuality in the Frum World reminded me of? That scene in the outtakes of Knocked Up where Jonah Hill is bitching about Brokeback Mountain and how there's not nearly enough gay sex in the thing. "Jake Gyllenhal's mouth is watering the whole movie! Put something in it!" And it really doesn't help matters that my friends who attended all feel like they've cured cancer and saved the world with their applause for the speakers. Ok, granted, the only one I really heard was the one who is a financial analyst who still votes Republican and really liked dating girls because they took him shopping but everyone needs to be desired. Even dull little Republican queens who are happy to report that their college roommate is inviting them to the big wedding next week and they are still friends.

As opposed to say my gay roommates who I haven't heard from in years but the one DID try to send me a check for the rent and utilities that he owed. Which bounced! Damnit. Or the aforementioned friend Paul whose college roommate was a bit creeped out by him. Not because he was gay but because he had the largest collection of gay porn in the entire dorm and he was playing that shit constantly.

Oh. Where was I?

Anyhow, I don't believe I'm saying this, but when I go to a gay event, I don't expect to be bored shitless by the bland positivity. Jews. Gays. These people invented Broadway for fucks sake and you have a Jewish Gay event without showtunes? Blasphemy. Utter blasphemy.

So anyhow, I've been watching Dead or Alive clips in that nostalgia for a time when I would have found a positive happy "we're queer, get used to it" dialogue just peachy and awesome. As in my teen years when I was a bit sensitive about anyone calling me gay but I knew that gay people deserved equal rights and all that. Or something. But no one in my high school was gay and I wasn't as impressed with The Rocky Horror Picture Show as others might have been.

Basically, I liked Dead or Alive. I actually started liking them after the Brand New Lover video which came AFTER You Spin Me Round Round like a Record Baby Round Round (what the hell is the title of the song? Because when I start typing it, I just keep adding words until I confuse the title with the lyrics) and yet, I had no clue that they were gay.

Or sure, I knew that Liberace was gay. And AIDS effectively outed Rock Hudson. And I was quite sure that Boy George was bullshitting us when he claimed to be straight. No really. He denied being gay for awhile. But beyond that - nope. Apparently, I had absolutely no gaydar whatsoever.

I even responded to a friend's paranoia about getting raped by a roommate by telling him to come to terms with his homosexuality. But it was only to piss him off. I really didn't suspect that he was gay until college when I started talking about how he had tizzy fits instead of getting angry. I think that was because when I met him, he fucked the girl that I was crushing on. Then again EVERY guy in our little social group fucked that girl. Hi Neesha! How's it going? But she made it up to me the following year by letting me know that her 16-year old niece was in town and wanted to fuck me (well anyone but I was the most desperate of her friends and I called her shortly after Dean - the really flaming dude that I told to come to terms with his homosexuality got pissed at me for telling him to come to terms with his homosexuality and then talking about how he and Mike should get together and I knew that Dean found Mike repulsive but not in a gay way). So I rushed over to West St. Paul and fucked Neesha's 16-year old niece. Hi Misty! How's it going?

Oh. And I suppose you're "first time" story is so much less sordid.

But yeah. The point of this anecdote is to mention once again, that I listened to Dead or Alive. Liked Dead or Alive. Had no clue that they were gay. So when I was a teenager, I had absolutely no gaydar. Well a little gaydar.

And Dean is living in San Francisco and looks like a younger 20something version of George Michael these days. At least in his pictures. I just look fat in mine. Damn. But that's another story altogether.

Obviously, I'm in an Orthodox Jewish community and obviously these religious communitieis are the last places where homophobia can flourish. But it's still weird to be in a room full of people congratulating themselves for listening to tedious little coming out stories given by gay dudes who waited until they graduated from college to come out. And the clapping for the bravery was also strange.

Like way to go Yeshiva University! Welcome to 1986.

But it reminds me of my friend Paul complaining about how he didn't get homophobic crap aimed his way until he moved to an actual city (Minneapolis) and had all these Coming out of Homosexuality people targeting him. Of course, they would target him because he was so flaming he made Liberace look butch in comparison. It's like when the Jews for Jesus target Orthodox Jews. They know that there's not a chance in hell they are going to succeed but man, that'd be totally rad if they could.

But Paul mentioned that in the small town where he grew up everyone told him that he was brave and how much they admired him. Sure, he didn't get laid but he did get the respect of his peers and friends and neighbors. For being gay. And anorexic.

His encyclopediac knowledge of Buffy, Xena and silent movies would have to wait for CONvergence to get respect (I sat on a couple of panels with him this last CONvergence. So I guess that's why I was thinking about him for this instance. I hadn't seen him for awhile and that was cool.) but of course, he did have fun "boycotting" the Coming Out episode of Ellen because Star Trek Voyager was on the other station.

That seemed to be last night's YU thing. Everyone was there to be supportive and clap and cheer on their bravery, and I suppose that matters to a certain extent but still, dealing with your gay friends by complimenting them on their bravery for coming out is such an early stage in dealing with latent homophobia. Nice that you feel guilty for saying "faggot" around your gay cousin but it's a little patronizing. Like asking the black kid in your history class about slavery or getting accosted with Jewish questions because you're wearing a yarmulke and you just want to read a fucking comic book already.

I wish I could say that I went to the whole "Being Gay in the Orthodox Community" talk because I thought I would hear something new or was truly interested in the subject matter. Mostly, I was just trying to get away from the endless proofreading job. And I had a lot of friends going. So I got there late, ate a cookie and heard one guy give a Coming Out story all about how he was gay from a young age and how he came out to his friends and how they were surprisingly accepting and his mom freaked out. But she seems ok. And his old roommate is inviting him to his wedding so they are still friends.

And the hall did a collective "Ahhhhhh..."

It was interesting to see people there that I knew, but I don't know if anyone got anything out of it since these were people already predisposed to liking gay people (because why else would they go?) but none of the questions were terribly interesting (I really wanted to hear someone ask "Madonna, Judy, Barbara or Marilyn?") and the Coming Out story I heard was deadly dull. I spent the entire time thinking about my uncle coming out of the closet by calling up my grandparents asking for bail money because he was picked up for public indecency in Loring Park. (It was with his steady boyfriend Roosevelt - who was an abusive prick apparently but that's another story) and my friends in college who were all claiming to be bisexual because EVERYONE'S bisexual (which turned out not to be true - surprise, surprise)

Of course, I think of that time a lot these days since I'm surrounded by people who spent a year after high school getting brainwashed to scary rightwing Yeshiva version of Judaism (or smoking pot) in Israel and completely missed the whole "smoke weed and fuck a lot of people you shouldn't and read a lot of 'deep' books that you will find embarrassing later on" phase. They spent that year which is the last year for teen rebelliion and the first year for truly trying to figure out who you are for yourself and going extreme by choosing to be rightwing. For a time.

So my current friends are sitting around in a big room congratulating themselves for applauding their brave friends for publicly declaring their homosexuality.

I mean it's great that Yeshiva University is taking some tentative steps into the late 1970s but it feels a little too self-congratulatory to me. Or mostly, it feels like something that I hope someone got something out of, but I'm not sure if anyone really did.

And it had no moments of unintentional hilarity like when I went to the Meet the Gays session in my college dorm for the pizza and got to hear Akasha singlehandedly trying to destroy the stereotype of lesbians being smart and serious. Her real name was Little Chris, but she named herself after an Anne Rice character.

Wonder what ever happened to her. Last I saw her she was in the dreadlock phase. And no longer a lesbian. And trying to free Mumia.

And there was nothing like that at all in the Theater Department. I went through my entire career as a Theater major without ever sitting in a big room while some of my fellow Theater majors talked about what it was like to be gay. Not a single Coming Out story among them (Mom turned to Dad and said "Ha! Told ya so! Pay up!")

nihilistic_kid called it a superhero for girls, but I think it's more of a superhero for young boys who will then really wish that the girls in their school were this cool.

Today I got one of those official looking letters from some attorney in New Jersey. The usual "pay up or else" letter and then at the very end was this lovely portion in bold:

For New York City Residents ONLY
We are required by law to give you the following warning about payments on this debt. The statute of limtation bars a creditor from taking legal action, including using arbitration, to make you pay this debt. BE AWARE that if you voluntarily pay anything toward this debt, such payment can restart the creditor's right to take legal action to make you pay the entire debt.

So the only way that any legal action can be taken against me is if I'm stupid enough to try to pay this debt.

Decisions. Decisions.

So I chose to take a proofreading job. I promised I'd finish it by Sunday. Sadly, I'm still not finished. I'm not even started yet. I'm in for a very boring evening.

I still think that most annoying part about the Brittaney Murphey death is the fact that no one is outright stating that the heart attack was due to anorexia. Even in a business that's known for hypervigilence in regard to weight gain and loss, Murphy was scary skinny skeletal.

But I must say that the news stories quoting twitter aren't helping matters much. Especially when the stars who are twittering their remorse are using Prince/Text Msg to convey their sorrow. I know that there's a character limit but Ashton Kutchner couldn't spell out "to"?

Watching this show because I borrowed it from the library. I'm watching the fourth season which is the concluding season and from what I read of the first three seasons, it looks like a show that went through many attempts at finding its footing.

It seems like one of those frustrating shows that had a lot of potential to go in all different directions; especially in terms of mystery and implications for the power thing. Only it seems like it just wanted to leave all the big stories for later and concentrate on small ones and isolate everything to one city. Even the way characters went from being villains to heroes to villains seems like it was decided arbitrarily.

On the other hand, it is catchy and it seems to know where it's going. Even if it's going to somewhere rather pedestrian, it's not like Heroes that seemed like it was engaging in some big earth shattering plots and then turned around and became unbearable.

Or at very least hilariously awful...

The sad thing is that I submitted my novella to this publishing company and if it gets picked up, my book will be just as ugly.

I have to admit that I never really got the appeal of Katherine Hepburn. She always seems way too imperial and regal to really encite any passion in anyone. Furthermore, the whole Tracy and Hepburn affair seems to be more cute than anything. They both seem so damn old in every movie they're in. Granted, I've never seen Adam's Rib. The earliest one I saw was African Queen with Bogart (and no chemistry).

But these two always remind me of rich people's grandparents - the kind of grandparents who are perfectly lovely and quite sweet but that whole WASP personality stops you from telling any off-color jokes or saying anything that might be the slightest bit interesting. You will eat their food, be on your best behavior and thank them for their hospitality but you won't like them. You won't feel like you want to get invited to the next meal at their home. On the other hand, they are less likely to tell long boring stories that involve the time they saw a famous person and asked him for change.

Then again, I did only watch Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? in toto. And that thing is a piece of crap to showcase that - once again - Sidney Poitier is very cool. I'm now watching Desk Set which is a 1950s movie that doubles as an advertisement for IBM and says stuff about how everyone in the office is afraid of being replaced by computers (a common fear in the era before internet porn, I'm told). There's apparently ANOTHER MAN in the thing - a Baxter (thank you Michael Showalter) who is in his thirties and much too young for Katherine Hepburn (who might only be in her 40s but acts like an imperial grandmother.)

But these two bond over their mutual love of brain teasers - but really really simple brain teasers - the kind like George and Martha are on the floor dead and there's water and broken glass. The person who finds them determines that they died of strangulation in the first second. How? (( are you going to pretend you don't know the answer ))

The closest I've ever gotten to kind of getting Katherine Hepburn was a late hour determination that Captain Janeway wasn't so bad. And finding Cate Winslet's imitation in The Aviator kind of hot. But for the most part, Katherine Hepburn is the amazing sexless robot grandma.

Hell, the younger guy just said that he loved her for her "warmth, her wit, her understanding." Huh? Is he in the same movie that I'm watching?

So I made sure to watch Craig Ferguson because my friend Ellie helped design the puppets.

The whole fucking show is being done with puppets.

This is a little annoying.

CHIVAS 18 - Here's to men who are gallant and do all sort of chivalrous shit like going to weddings and wearing tuxedos - bombed out of their skulls!!

Little Girl Voices - is EVERYONE Kate Bush these days? Amazon Kindle, Target Thanksgiving commercials, JC Penney - I used to love those little girl voice singers. That one song that goes "it breaks me hear-hara-heart. It breaks my heeeeeart..." always used to get to me. Now it's bugging me and I don't think it was ever going to get me to shop.

Target Saves Money - Sadly, when you buy that neat shit with all the money that you're saving, your spouse will get in a big fight with you about showing off.

DEPRESSION HURTS - complete with sad faced people and music. And then there's a RIVAL depression medication commercial with a woman comparing herself to a windup doll.

Of course, since it's really late, there are a lot of local commercials and commercials for "call up this number and hook up with strangers that look like the model but really don't" commercials.

Starting March 4, The ADDAMS FAMILY MUSICAL!!!!!!!!

Starring Nathan Lane (huh?)

But who gives a fuck. It's the Addams Family as a musical!!!

I'm actually going to save up so I can see it. Or pay my credit card bills and max them out for it, because that's not real money, right?